Body Odor and Irony

Part One:
Two weeks ago, I went country dancing at the Electric Theater with a friend. The night passed as I sat on a seat next to the wall and watched her spin on the dance floor with every attractive guy in the room. I sat there pitifully, hoping someone, ANYONE would come ask me to dance. My thoughts got the best of me. What was wrong with me? Did I have something in my teeth? Leaning over like I was stretching, I "discreetly" spelled my armpit, and was suddenly overcome by the most putrid vomit producing stench I had ever smelled! Feeling my eyes well up with tears from the rancid aroma, I took another whiff of my under arm hoping, no praying that the smell didn't belong to me. I COULD NOT SMELL THAT VILE! I looked up to find a round dark haired guy sitting entirely too close to me. The smell that would make a child cry out in disgust was coming from this guy, who was eyeing me like I was a piece of Christmas candy! At first I nearly burst out in joy realizing the stench did NOT belong to me! But... This guy was about to talk to me! No, he was about to ask me to dance!
"Hey, my name's Danny. Want to dance?"
If any of you grew up going to LDS youth dances, you understand the dilema I faced...
"Sure..." I choked. I remembered what I carelessly thought earlier about wanting ANY guy to ask me to dance, and wished immediately I could take back that lie...

Part 2
Danny stayed by me the remainder of the night. He made sure to push that he wanted to "hang out" sometime. Brittany, the girl I came with, laughed evertime she walked past me. (Thanks Britt...) Danny finally asked the trecherous question...."Can I have your number?" I really wish Nancy Reagan would have been with me; "JUST SAY NO!" Danny left, a very happy boy, and I left, feeling like someone punched me in the gut.

A few days later, Danny added me on Facebook and started to chat. "So, I'm going on this double date tomorrow. My friend and I are making pizza's and watching a movie. I was wondering if you wanted to come?" Nancy screamed in my head...JUST SAY NO! JUST SAY NOW! "I think I have to work tomorrow..." I stammered. Danny quickly replied. "I thought you said you only work until noon on Fridays..." Dang it! What was I going to do? Nancy was going nuts...JUST SAY NO! " Well I live in Hurricane, and that's pretty far from Saint George. I wouldn't want you to have to come and get me..." What was I thinking?! Danny replied yet again, shredding my excuses. "That'll work perfectly! My friend lives in Hurricane too, so I'll pick all of you up." This guy was persistent! I had finally had enough. "You know what Danny, it's just not going to work..." After a moment of silence, Danny typed, "Is it because you just broke up with your boyfriend?" I had talked about my recent breakup and how I hadn't dated since it happened. I decided to play off it, thinking it would work out great! "Ya, I'm just not ready to date yet. I'm still in a pretty vulnerable spot." He totally bought it! I ended the conversation, and breathed a sigh of relief.

The next night there was an institute dance at the church. My friends and I glossed up and headed out, hoping to snag a couple cuties. A few minutes into the dance, a guy came up to me and we chatted casually. The conversation was pleasant, and he was pretty cute, so I wasn't complaining. Later, the same guy came up to me. "So I'm going on a double date tomorow with some friends and I was wondering if you wanted to come with." Of course I said yes. As we were talking, Danny suddenly came up to the two of us. "Hey Jordan, I see you met Alexis!" "Yeah Danny, this is who I'm taking out tomorrow on our double. You still need to find a date right?" My heart stopped. Jordan was the friend Danny wanted to double with the night before. How could this possibly happen!? Danny gave me the meanest look I've ever seen and stormed away pititfully. Jordan didn't understand. Needless to say, the double date ended up being a single...